A Day at the Hospital

7:00 am:  The woman at registration gives me an A+ for having all my paperwork properly filled out and ready to present. I don’t tell her I’m a teacher. I don’t tell her I have to believe that following all the rules will mean everything will work out just fine for me on this day when I’ve come to Riverside Methodist Hospital, so my cardiologist can confirm the presence of a suspected hole between the atria of my heart, and, if feasible, close it.

8:30 am:  The nurse prepping me for my transesophageal echocardiogram says, “Your TEE was scheduled for 8 o’clock. I’m waiting for your blood chemistry before we go. I don’t complain. I’ve taken two Plavix and a baby aspirin to make my platelets nice and slippery so they won’t clot around the closure device, if indeed the second procedure is needed. In my head, I keep saying, “nice and slippery,” like a mantra meant to ease me through this day.

10:00 am:  TEE time. A different nurse comes to wheel me to the room for the transesophageal. As she pushes my gurney down the hallway, I try out a joke on her. “What did the snail say while riding on the turtle’s back?”  I lift my arms in the air, feel the air on my palms. “Wheeee,” I say, and the nurse laughs. I’ll remember her later in the day.

10:45 am:  “Swallow,” the doctor, one of the associates in my cardiologist’s practice, says. “I need you to swallow the tube.” They’ve promised me that they’ve started the sedative that will send me into twilight, though I’ll have to be responsive to her command to swallow the tube and later to cough, so she’ll be able to hear and see if blood shunts from my right atrium through the suspected PFO into my left atrium. “Swallow,” she says, but I can’t. “We’ll try a pediatric tube,” she says, but still I can’t. I can’t swallow the tube, and, therefore, the TEE can’t be done, which leaves my cardiologist knowing no more than he already did about my heart. There’s talk of ordering an endoscopy to access the condition of my esophagus. There may be strictures or a narrowing of the esophagus that’s making it difficult for me to swallow the tube. The nurse is wheeling me back to the prep room, only this time I’m telling her no jokes; I’m not raising my arms in the air.

11:15 am:  “ I guess I failed the first test,” I tell my cardiologist when he visits me in the prep room, saying he understands there was a problem with the TEE. “If they do an endoscopy,” he says,  “I won’t be able to go into your heart today.” He tells me there are two options: do the endoscopy or let him do the closure procedure. I ask him whether the procedure will give him the information he’ll need in order to decide whether to close the hole he suspects is there. He tells me it will. I’ve come this far. I want something accomplished on this day. “Let’s do it,” I tell him. “All right, then,” he says. “I’ll get things ready in the cath lab, and we’ll see what we’ve got.”

12:20 am:  I’m in the cath lab and everything is in place for the procedure. My cardiologist enters in his scrubs. He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Okay, buddy,” he says. “Let’s get to work.”

12:30 pm:  My cardiologist says, “I’m definitely in the left atrium now.” I’m wide awake, watching the procedure unfold on a screen. I don’t feel a thing. My cardiologist has entered two veins in my groin, one for the tube that has the camera that captures the images he needs, the other for the catheter that delivers the closure device. There’s a hole, and I’m glad. If my cardiologist hadn’t found a hole, I’d have two tubes in my groin and a week’s recovery period ahead of me, all for nothing. Plus, we’d have no idea what caused my stroke or when it might happen again. But there’s a hole. Hallelujah! There’s a hole, and this man is going to close it.

12:45 pm: “I’m done,” my cardiologist says. “There was a hole. We closed it. You’re going to be fine.” Then, like a rock star, like Elvis leaving the building, he’s gone. I ask my nurse about the size of the hole. She shows me the device they used to close it, and it appears to be slightly larger than a nickel, slightly smaller than a quarter. I ask her about an image still left on the screen, a fluoroscopic image, I’ll learn later. “Is that my heart?” I ask her, and she says it is. She shows me where the occluder, the closure device, is located, this titanium ring of mesh, locked in place to keep blood shunting from right to left. My heart looks like a face in profile. The ridge of a forehead, the hook of a nose, the mouth and chin. There between the atria rests the occluder. Such a light thing, such a beautiful thing. “Can I have a copy of that image?” I ask. I clutch it to my chest as they wheel me to my recovery room.

4:00 pm:  Because of the incisions in my femoral veins, I have to lie in bed, not moving or bending my right leg. By the time the nurses come to remove the tubes, I’m a little bored, so I try out a few jokes on them. I tell the snail joke. No response. So I try a really bad pun that kids usually enjoy. “Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies.” Nothing. “Boy,” I say, “you’re a tough crowd.” Then I decide to try something a bit more, shall we say physiological. “Do you know what a man has when his alligator dies? A reptile dysfunction.” Finally, laughter. Giggles, snorts, guffaws. That’s what I like to remember as we turn toward the end of this day. I have three more hours of lying on my back. Then they’ll release me and I’ll sleep in my own bed. I’ll start to heal. I’ll wake the next morning, a lucky man. I’ll greet the rest of my life. . . bada-bing. . . whole-heartedly.



  1. Nita Sweeney on December 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Bada-bing, indeed! Congrats, Lee. Here’s to your excellent healing and thank you for such a beautiful description of your lovely heart.

    • Lee Martin on December 11, 2012 at 7:36 pm

      Thanks, Nita. I’ll miss running for about a week, but at least I can walk as much as I want. Take care.

  2. Angela Winter on December 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Beautiful post. Beautiful man. I’m so glad the procedure went well, Lee. And I’d love to see that fluoroscopic image of your heart sometime. Sending love and blessings your way, and all the best wishes for a speedy recovery.

    • Lee Martin on December 11, 2012 at 7:35 pm

      Thank you so much, Angela. I’m doing very well today. I can walk, but I can’t run for a week. Still, all is going along. . .beautifully!

  3. Mary L. Tabor on December 11, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Despite the fact that we barely know each other, by reading each other, I do believe we have come to be heart parts of one another. From my heart to yours, I offer this poem by Cummings. Be well, angel on my shoulder. Be well.

    i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
    my heart)i am never without it (anywhere
    i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
    by only me is your doing,my darling)
    i fear
    no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)I want
    no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
    and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
    and whatever a sun will always sing is you

    here is the deepest secret nobody knows
    (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
    and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
    higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
    and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

    i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

    —E.E. Cummings, Compete Poem, p. 766

    • Lee Martin on December 11, 2012 at 7:34 pm

      Bless you, Mary. I’d say it took a village of angels on my shoulder to get me through all of this.

  4. Sonya Huber on December 11, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    “There was a hole. We closed it. You’re going to be fine.” Whew. I KNEW everything was going to be fine, but I have to admit I read this quickly and on the edge of my seat, Lee. Those three little declarative sentences are lovely, and I’m so very glad. A whole-hearted Lee is a good Christmas present.

    • Lee Martin on December 11, 2012 at 7:23 pm

      Thanks, Sonya. My cardiologist has a nonchalant breeziness to him that inspires confidence. Happy holidays to you! Loved the photo card you sent. Who’s that adult masquerading as your son? )

  5. Audrey Webb on December 11, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    So glad this is all behind you now! Onward, Lee…and all great things ahead of you.


    • Lee Martin on December 11, 2012 at 7:22 pm

      Thanks, Audrey. I think I need some new material if I keep playing Riverside Hospital.

  6. Ruth Ann on December 11, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Half-way through the First sentence Lee and I KNEW you were going to be All Right!!
    Oh, we are more alike than I ever imagined!! So much so!!
    All those jokes and attempts at laughter and gaiety; to take the edge off of what you were feeling. I “go there” often.

    It has only back-fired on me once Lee. I had slipped in the shower and thought I might have broken/or cracked a rib. So for the First time Ever my doctor cracks some joke at ME and I dare not laugh; I’m in too much pain. In fact I can not laugh.

    It is so neat we both have this same “attribute.”

    So glad to be a part of your extended family. And so mighty glad you are on the road to recovery and writing more books for us all to enjoy and learn from.

    God bless you always Lee.The Force was with you!!

    • Lee Martin on December 11, 2012 at 7:21 pm

      Thanks so much, Ruth Ann. Yes, I always think if I can tell a few jokes in the hospital, everything will work out. Sometimes it takes an effort, though, as the comedian in me butts head with the pessimist in me. Thanks for all your good wishes.

  7. Ned Stuckey-French on December 12, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Whole-hearted indeed! Like everyone else, I’m so pleased all went well and that the tubes in your groin (ugggh) were not for naught. Your jokes remind me of the old one about the guy who was going into surgery and asked his doctor if he would be able to play the piano when he came out from under the anesthetic. The doc said, “Yes. I see no reason why not.” And the guy said, “That’s great because I never could before.” Well, you did better than that — you went into corny and came out corny, just the way we like you.

    • Lee Martin on December 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

      Thanks, Ned. I’m still working on snagging some of those scrubs for pajamas!

  8. Henri Cole on December 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Please be gentle with yourself, Lee. I look forward to seeing you soon! Bonheur toujours, Henri

    • Lee Martin on December 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

      Thank you, Henri. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, and I’ll see you soon.

  9. Cathie Kingsley on December 12, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    This is great news, Lee. I am very happy for you. What a lovely holiday gift, to be given a whole heart!

    • Lee Martin on December 13, 2012 at 8:58 am

      Thanks, Cathie. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season.

  10. Julie on December 13, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Congrats and best wishes for a speedy recovery!!

    • Lee Martin on December 13, 2012 at 8:58 am

      Thanks, Julie. All seems to be going quite well so far.

  11. Megan Kerns on December 15, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    I just love the image of you telling the snail joke while riding in the hospital gurney. I loved this post, and I am so glad we got to read it!

    • Lee Martin on December 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

      Thanks, Megan! For some reason, I always think of that snail joke when I’m riding along in a gurney. Wheeee!

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